Houston Texans Official 2011 Draft Board

We know the Texans have struck out for the most part on drafting football players. What if they could draft anything? Here's what I imagine the Texans draft board might look like, followed by their analysis of the draft picks.


1st Round Grades:

The Paul Reiser Show
 Texans Analysis "We feel this show has alot of upside potential.  Paul Reiser vehicles seem to have a lasting impression with the public. Judging by their decision to replace Conan O'Brien with Jay Leno, we know NBC knows high comedy."

Lindsay Lohan

Texans Analysis "Disney Actresses tend to kill it at the box office.  What mother wouldn't want their child to emulate Lohan? Should be well grounded and regimented for the next 18 months."



Pong

Texans Analysis: "Quite simply, we see Pong as the replacement for the babysitter.  Kids will spend hours mesmermized by the graphics and fast action."



New Coke

Texans Analysis: "Take something that everyone in the world loves and make it better? I'm sold! Bill Cosby is backing this, everyone loves Bill Cosby! This is a can't miss prospect."



Chris Gaines

Texans Analysis: "Off the record, Garth Brooks says this guy is a gold mine. Garth knows music like we know tight ends."




Beirut, Lebanon

Texans Analysis: "Everyone wants sea side property. We hear we can get land dirt cheap here. World Class gun ranges as well."



Oldsmobile

Texans Analysis: "We've always been big on the American automobile, and our insiders tell us that this one appeals to the most people. We feel it will be the Rolls Royce of Middle Class America."



Jakob Dylan

Texans Analysis: "We're getting Bob Dylan with twice the stamina and a tenth of the price. Now I know how the Colonel felt when he discovered Elvis."

Vegemite

Texans Analysis: "Austrailia flat out sells. Come on, who wouldn't eat Yeast Extract!"